...some posts I think.
My mind and my heart have been heavy and burdened, but I feel like God is really using these burdens to teach me humility and obedience. God has been teaching me trust...that's something I've never been really good at. You see, I like control...a lot. And God has been consistently placing me in situations that I cannot control. I want to control them and I try, but I am completely unable. This whole time I have been taken down a road I do not wish to go down, and honestly, I've been kicking and screaming the whole way. I do not like testing or trials. I do not like my faith being refined. It stinks. Now, I know, the refining will turn out for the better for me and my family. This is something that is essentially good, though it stinks right now. I have the worst spiritual tunnel vision in the world; most of the time I refuse to look at the big picture. But right now, God's forcing me. He is holding my head up so that I must look out to see past myself. He is prying my eyes open when I close them as tightly as possible. He is making me see. I now know that everything will be alright...eventually. It may not look like I want it, but it will be better than I could imagine.
MOPS is getting better and better. I'm starting to feel more comfortable around the people I meet. I think the "cool kid" thing was all my attitude. I allow myself to feel uncomfortable, and when I'm uncomfortable, people can sense it. Anyway, I don't think I'll drop it now after Christmas as I was planning.
Conlan is finally taking a nap today after two days without one. He just hasn't wanted to sleep! After MOPS this morning, we went to Toys R Us to go get his camera for Christmas; I know they'll be scarse after Thanksgiving, so I wanted to get it out of the way. Well, when I got home, there was a 15% off coupon in my email for Toys R Us that had to be used by Thursday. So after lunch, we took the camera back to the store and got our 15% off. I decided to stop by Target after that just to look around; Conlan loves looking at the Christmas trees. (He calls them pri-prus prees!) Well at Target, they had that same camera on sale for $38!! After tax, I would only be saving about $3-$4, so I didn't bother to make the switch. On the way home from all that walking, Conlan fell asleep. (YEY!!!)
Tonight Jonathan plays at a benefit concert-type thing for some college students going to Puerto Rico for a missions trip. I was going to sing with him, but last night I was so beat that I couldn't practice. If I couldn't practice last night, I wouldn't be up for singing tonight (while pregnant, at least). I miss singing with Jonathan; we haven't done it in a quite a while. We are singing at church on Sunday night though. I'm going to participate with his worship group until he works with some other female vocalists...if I feel up to it. Practicing last Sunday night took a lot of energy from me. Maybe that's why I can't sing tonight...
Anyway, have a great day all of you. Sorry for the incoherent post. :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I Owe You...
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4 comments:
I understand. I feel like I've spent a year being molded and stretched. I'm not quite sure how much more molding I can take. :) But the things that come with it are spectacular!
I enjoy listening to you and Jonathan sing too. :) I was listening to your play list one day and the Grinch song came on. The only thing I could see in my head was the two of you singing it in front of the church. :) It was the first and only time I had heard that song until your play list. :)
Kelly, that was so far from an incoherent post I'm not sure what to say. :-]
Actually, I am sure what to say: it was a GREAT post. Thanks for putting time and energy into sharing your thoughts.
I love you.
I love you sister! Adam and I pray for you so when you're discouraged, know that we've got your back =)
I miss hearing you two sing as well. Growing up I loved to listen to Jonathan sing. He was my big bro, after all. Coming back to Crossroads and sitting in worship that he lead (with you as well!) was always to spirit filled, I often was left in tears =) I'm happy that you both get to begin using the gift God's given you in small ways. It's a good thing. Have a great day!
oh and also, you both leading worship at your wedding was so unique and amazing. That is one of my most distinct memories of you two singing. so awesome.
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