Everything is sacred...

There has been something attacking my faith for a long time. From about the end of November on, I have been spiraling downward in my walk with Christ. A large part of it is me, yes. I have an idea though that God has plans for the family I am about to become a part of. There is no doubt in my mind that I am supposed to marry Jonathan. I have known basically from the beginning that he is the one God has for me. Everyone I know supports us. But me falling spiritually makes me relapse into old behaviors. So recently Jonathan has been putting up with the more difficult me. Within the past few days, God has restored my soul, and I am excited to know Him more. A few days before that, one of my worst nightmares happened. Jonathan told me about an anonymous email he received from someone from my past. They warned him not to marry me; they said he didn't know what he was getting into. The name of the sender was fake; I had never met that guy before. So I don't know who sent the email. My prayer is that they accept the apology I either offered before or never offered and am offering now. I wanted to respond to them, but Jonathan told me he had already taken care of it. It was SO painful. BUT--God used it to draw me back to Him. The actions of someone from my past were manipulated to try to bring me down. To be honest, they did for a while. Then the words of one Vivian Underwood blessed me incredibly. Vivian was sharing a testimony in class; she knows that God has GREAT plans for this university, and Satan knows it. He has done everything he can to try and hinder the work of God. It's not going to happen. Vivian's broken foot became simply a deep bruise. My defeated spirit simply became broken and humbled. Satan will not triumph. And I really feel I should say this last thing that is on my heart. Samuel Ryder, I don't know if you will ever read this, but I am sorry for my past. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you, and I beg you to find it in your heart to forgive me. Your healing is in my prayers. May God give you abundant joy for the rest of your life. Seek Him. He heals all wounds. Doesn't mean that they don't hurt occasionally. But they aren't consuming, and they don't produce bitterness. God bless.

To all y'all out there, peace out.