I posted a little bit ago about how I'm feeling today, and I decided to delete it. I wanted to express my feelings without feeling so self absorbed.
Bethany wrote a similar post a few weeks ago. She expressed how I feel right now. My sister and brother-in-law are in Houston with my family at a baseball game. My college roommate and closest friend is in Longview having fun with my other closest friends. Jonathan is very busy at work...and I have no one to talk to.
I know because of Bethany's post that I'm not the only one who feels like I feel. I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. I'm not comfortable, I'm not happy, and nothing can make me feelbetter. I know this is self-absorption; I'm not blind enough yet to not see that. But I don't know how to get out of this rut today. I'm getting very annoyed with Conlan, which makes me want to stay inside. Jonathan won't be home until late, and that makes me mad for no reason. I want to be understanding, but I'm not willing to understand. I know I'm focused on no one but myself.
I'm trying to find the balance between expressing my feelings and simply complaining right now. That's part of the reason I deleted my first post. I felt like I was just whining. I hate this feeling where I'm bitter towards others for enjoying themselves. Does anyone else experience that? It's been coming way too often lately. I need some friends. And some strong accountability in my spiritual walk.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Rewording my Feelings
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4 comments:
I'm so there too!!!!!
That's all I can say or it will "all" come tumbling out!!!
I feel that way all the time!! I hate being home on a major holiday because I feel "unloved." Or when I hear of other people getting together and I am invited but can't make it, I still feel alone. See, I am stranger than you! ;-)
Hehe...you're not stranger than me Aimee. You're just more willing to share your feelings. I'm so jealous that people in Longview get together and write all about it. The softie party that happened...yeah. Dana's apron party (even though it didn't happen)...yeah. My roommate hanging out with other people while I sit up here all by myself...yeah. I'm just as strange. :)
This year I have had to face a lot of those similar things. I had to scale back my life while it felt like every one else's life sped right on by. It was hard transitioning. I went from needing my friends desperately to feeling like they weren't enough. It was then that I realized the Lord had blessed me with my sweet friends in times of need (when I felt abandoned from him) but even when they were right there ... what I was really craving was the Lord. Listening to praise music ALL DAY LONG was a huge help. Sometimes even when our friends our right there we just need more.
I've really appreciated you this year and your investment in me! Thanks.
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