*Sigh.*
I sit here and think about how I'm getting further and further behind on reading blogs and blogging myself, and I feel more and more detatched from the life we left behind in East Texas.
True, we had visitors this weekend from Longview, but I feel like I'm finally moving on. I know that's a good thing, but I have this horrible problem of burning my bridges. So, I'm going to ask all you East Texans a favor...don't let me lose contact! I know everyone's busy and all right now, and that's probably where this whole detatched feeling is coming from. But if I don't comment on your blog or visit (I know lots of you have traffic feeds...so do I), call me out. There's such an amazing group of women down there in Longview, and I miss each of you a lot! I'm really sad that we missed Phillip's wedding, and I would have LOVED to see your cake Dana. Steph, thanks for posting about it. Leigh and Jon, happy anniversary! Adriana, happy birthday! I would have loved to get kicked out of Target with you ladies!! Deb, we can't wait to be in the Ukraine some day with your family. (I know you're not in East Texas anymore either, but I miss you too! You're in the same boat as I am...to a much larger degree.) Cassie, I'm jealous that you're going so soon. :)
Anyway, life finally seems like it's moving on here, though I haven't been home much lately, and won't be home for long before I leave again. It's funny...recently Conlan has been saying the word "home." I've been responding to him by saying, "This is home" and then breaking into a little Switchfoot. Some song lyrics for you...This is Home by Switchfoot...
Monday, July 07, 2008
Detatched
I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home
Now I know
Yeah, this is home
I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home
Not that I don't want to go back...but God is going to do something here. We're supposed to be here. Anyway, yeah. Don't let me detatch myself and burn my bridges. The friendships down there are too special to let go of. I love each of you. Good night.
Oh. On a totally unrelated note...
On Sunday, Alex (the pastor at Bridgeway) was closing up his study on Ruth. Now, I'm not quite sure why it wasn't done sooner...he was talking about it the first Sunday we moved here, and he's doing a chapter a week. With 4 chapters in Ruth, we should have missed most of it. But somehow I heard 3 of the 4 messages and Jonathan heard all 4. I should go online and see what I've missed while we weren't there. Anyway, with traveling and visiting other churches, I haven't been there two consecutive weeks. (Jonathan has been twice in a row once.) Well, the closing of the Ruth series talked about God's blessings. Now, keep in mind, I was not feeling great, so I didn't hear a lot of what was said. But I did hear one thing that was incredibly important for me to hear...children are a blessing, not a right. What? Not a right? I've been struggling with that ever since I lost the baby in April. How come other people have perfectly healthy babies, and I just lost one? Forget the fact that we already have one amazing, healthy, happy child. I'm ready for more. Well, God used Alex on Sunday to remind me that He will bless us with another child when He deems it right. It's His decision, His timing, His will. Not my decision, my timing, my will.
I also had a talk with Jenny late Friday night. She mentioned that she loves feeling small. She loves that God is SO incredibly big, that He can easily handle any "major" crisis we have going on at any given time. Why to we try to sell Him short? It was really encouraging. I miss theological talks. When Jenny brought up what she had been reading lately (about the Ark), I was almost in tears. I don't get to hear that much anymore. Something I miss about my college sisters.
Anyway, Jonathan and I are going to go enjoy the rest of our quiet evening with a book. Gnite!
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3 comments:
I'm bad about letting bridges burn also. I've always been fearful that when people really get to know me, all they'll see is my faults and not like me. Just when people get close to me, I push them away so I can maintain my "have it all together" appearance. Steff is the only person who's seen through that and won't be pushed away. :) Thank God. I've gotten better about it, I think... I pray. My blog frustrations have a lot to do with this.
Friends are such wonderful gifts from God. Thanks for being one to me.
After moving to Texas Ted and I had to start filtering through the friendships we had in Michigan. We had to decide who to hang on to for the long hall and who to let go of because it's impossible to keep those long distant friendships with everyone. We had to find out from other people too who was committed to keeping our friendship in tact. It's incredibly hard being so far away but we have some friends that even if we don't talk to in a year or more we'll come together (even as our families change and grow) and it's as if we've never left. Others, we've had to let go of in order to invest in the ones we've decided (and they've decided) was worth the effort. It's a painful process but it's natural. It might, however, be easier for you because you aren't 20 hours away and you come to Texas more than once a year. :)
Regardless, it's a sad process!
And Adriana, it's when people really know you that they LOVE you! :) How could they not?
i've been way behind on reading blogs too. and i wish you were here, but it is fun to read about all the cool new things you're getting to do and see and experience!
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