I'm struggling with a little bout of insomnia tonight. It might be because I had caffeine with dinner; also, my mind is racing incessantly.
I haven't blogged in a couple of days, as I haven't felt like I've had much to say. In fact, I'm getting a little weary of sharing my day to day report on here. I never have anything new to say. Pretty much every day, Conlan does something to drive me crazy, and I share it on here. To be honest, there is so much more that goes through my mind on a daily basis. In fact, I love to write and I yearn to think and learn. But my mind tends to be sharp. I always wrote my best papers in college between the hours of 10:00 pm and 2:00 am.st at night. I'm not sure if it's because I have fewer distractions or if that's just how I work. Right now, I am thinking about history. I'm not big on dates or who ruled what when, but I love history. Nothing makes me more proud to be a Texan than to walk through the Alamo or stand at the monument at San Jacinto. We all traveled to Boston a year ago when my sister got married; Samuel Adams was buried in the graveyard of their church. Movies like National Treasure (as corny as it was, I know) get me excited to be an American. I have been to Greece and stood were Paul may have stood when addressing the Christians in Corinth. I have traveled to Thessolonica and Berea and thought about Paul's words to them. I like to know where I came from.
I am still reading Anne Rice's book. Though it's fiction, it's historical fiction. I love her take on Christ as a child. Yes, it begins with stories that don't quite fit to me. Yes, it is STRICTLY fiction. But it is a window into the past, to what life might have looked like back then. To me, the history is like the answer to "why" and "how" when thinking about development of Christianity. Where did the Jews come from to get to where they were when Christ was born? There are over 500 years of history missing between the end of the Old Testament Hebrews (I think that's the rebuilding of the Temple, but don't quote me) and the beginning of the New Testament Jews. What happened? I took a course on it, though that was now over 3 years ago. But I still have my books. I still have my notes. What's to keep me from researching further? I feel like I have painted myself into an intellectual corner. (I know that my relationship with God is beyond intellect, but for me, Biblical history makes Scripture come alive.) I definitely have to wrestle with wanting to pretend like I know it all, because I don't. To an extent, when it comes to history, I can only know what other people tell me, and all history is written from a biased standpoint.
Ugh! I'm jealous of you grad school students right now. Several friends are up at Wheaton, and Sarah Jo is at DTS. I want to learn. I want my world to go beyond toddlers and vacuums and blogs. Don't get me wrong, all of these things are wonderful. But I feel stifled, in a way. I'm not so sure that it has to do with my situation as it does my attitude. I think in the next few days, I'm going to run to Barnes and Nobles and grab me a journal. (I have always LOVED their journals.) When I need to say something, I'm going to write. It's time to change my attitude and pursue the things that God has laid on my heart. He put them there; it's my job to nurture them. I know that in doing this, I will appreciate more greatly the toddlers and vacuums and blogs that fill my time. :)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Something Worth Saying
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
4 comments:
I know how you feel. I too thirst for knowledge and feel hemmed in sometimes by my "keeper at home" role. (though I still love it!) Thanks for letting your feelings out and making us all feel normal. ;)
I am not trying to sound like I am all "grown up" and what not when I say this, but I remember those days. My mom would constantly remind me that it would pass. I thought it never would. Guess what? She was right of course. I now live in a taxi-cab world. I struggle with just being home. I see my kids, (14 yrs. old, almost 9, and 6) want to gain more independence. They want to be with friends, have friends over, go places. I just want to be home. Yet, just 4 years ago I was the one wanting to get out, have a life. So, remember that this is a season. It's hard to see that right now. I remember so clearly. I was just sharing with a friend the other day that life was a bit easier with toddlers. I could go to bed when I wanted, take a nap with them, I didn't have school work to prepare, could watch tv when I wanted. But you know what? I need to embrace the season I am in now. Because before I know it, these kids of mine will be gone and it will just be Eric and I. Yikes! ;-)
and yet...when the darkness falls and our hearts feel safe enough to come out - they find that our intellects and lessons cannot comfort us in an empty house.
I guess sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side. :-)
God speaks to your heart and you never have to stop learning from Him - I love journaling because it gives my mind a place to sift through the moments of my day and learn from them instead of just getting pummeled by them. love you!
Post a Comment