Patience...Plus Some...

Honestly, how many times do I have to write about patience?  Until I learn it, I guess...

So I haven't started the fruits study yet.  And I think that maybe that's no longer what I'm supposed to do.  I think I should just share about how God is refining me in certain areas of my life.  Those situations almost always have something to do with the fruits of the Spirit.  Since I am a mom, I'm daily having to learn about patience. 

This verse has been heavily on my heart for a couple of weeks now: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1.  Every time I lose patience with either of the kids (yes, I unfortunately lose patience with Vera, even though she's 6 months old), I hear this verse whispered in my head.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, Kelly...," "A harsh word stirs up anger..."

(A break in writing...a few hours long...)

I'm not so sure this is about patience after all.  I mean, it is, but it's also about love and self-control.  Basically, I need to get my heart in the right place most days.  I have this major problem with losing my temper when I'm in a bad mood.  I can see that affecting my children already.  On the days where I am being selfish and disobedient towards God, Conlan is the same towards me.  Part of me is afraid.  I know that most parents leave some sort of negative mark on their children.  I pray that my actions during this time of my life do not leave lasting marks on Conlan or Vera's characters.  I snap at him too much.  And I can see that yelling affecting Conlan negatively.  I know he's a boy, but it doesn't seem to me that it is the nature of a man to be destructive.  I think that's my fault, and I intend on fixing it. 

So, back to the verse...I was at my weekly bible study, and I brought up my thoughts on this.  Why, when we know that we are to be gentle, do we still snap and yell?  One of my friends Jessica made a great point:  because it's easier.  Basically, anything that is worth doing will take work.  Raising my kids correctly?  It's going to take a LOT of work on my part.  Showing them the way that a parent should react to children?  That's what I am here for.  I am an example of what a parent should be to them. 

I MUST learn how to control my frustration and anger.  I need to learn how to make every moment a teachable one instead of waiting until I've had as much as I can take before I punish.  I need to learn that destructive moments are often cries for attention from a little boy who just wants to play with his mommy.  I must learn to die to my wants and desires daily and remember that I am no longer just me.  I am a wife and a mom as well, which means that others are dependent upon my growth.  Luke 9:23 says, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me."  I have to willingly follow Christ to the cross everyday if I am to be a godly wife and mother.  Which I strongly desire to be. 

I'm going to end this abruptly today.  I hope to start blogging more often again, but what can I say?  My priorities have changed a little bit.  Love you all.  Thanks for reading.