I know I just posted, but I just read Dana's post about fear, and I have to share. I realize that she talks about the economy, but the verses posted were what I need to hear right now.
I feel like my life has been overcome with fear ever since I found out I was pregnant again. I wanted to be happy, but the thought that my joy might turn quickly to sorrow kept me from delighting in a new child. As I now feel my little baby kick me throughout the day, that fear subsides a little. However, tiny whispers linger in the back of my head. "What if?" they say. "What if this baby doesn't make it? What if you're not ready to be a mom of two? What if it's not time for you to have another child?" I have trouble shaking those fears that I will do something to hurt my child, that I will be responsible for his/her inability to survive.
Unfortunately, my fears have begun to grow. They no longer stick to the unborn child I carry, but they gravitate towards my healthy, happy two year old. Too many times recently Jonathan has had to pick Conlan up in the middle of the night and bring him to me, just so I can hear him breathing. As Halloween approaches (though we don't celebrate it to the extent most of the world does...but I like to dress him up...), I find myself growing more and more weary of the lurkers that come out while all of the children are trick-or-treating. Instead of smiling at an old man who talks to my child, I become frightened and politely find a way to back out of the situation. This morning even, an 8-10 year old boy wanted to give Conlan a little hackey sack, and I wouldn't let him. I know that I don't want Conlan accepting gifts from total strangers (there's nothing wrong with that), and now is the time to begin teaching him that. Even though the boy was harmless (he was so sad and walked back to his parents like a beaten puppy dog :( ), the thoughts that ran through my mind after telling him no were not. I was afraid. Every person that comes to my door is a potential predator, and I tend to leave my front door closed and locked for that very reason. I don't want anyone coming to my door. (This is not a constant fear, but it happens every once in a while.)
Keep in mind, I am not getting weird or freaky with my fear, but I feel like I could be heading that way if I continue in the direction I am headed. I am just going to copy the verses Dana posted and put them here. Each one is digging deeply into my heart right now and pulling out the fears that haunt my life at this time.
"Do not fear, for I am with you" (Gen 26:24)
"Do not fear or be discouraged" (Deut 1:21)
"You must not fear them, for the LORD your God Himself fights for you." (Deut 3:22)
"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You." (Psalms 9:9-10)
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?" (Ps 27:1)
"I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears" (Ps 34:4)
I can't say that my fear is completely expelled, but it is better. I am aware of it, for one. Thanks, Dana, for sharing these verses today, even if it's on a completely different topic. I needed them this afternoon. I'm sure the Family Fun Day will turn out wonderfully! I'm really going to miss it this year!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Fear
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8 comments:
I struggled with a bit of this regarding Amara. It was intense. I was overcome with fear that something was going to happen to her. I even had to have her come home from spending the night at a friends because I couldn't be without her. It came on in an instant and lasted a few days. One thing I had to do was let go of her. If God was going to take her then I had to trust that he knew why and that he would take care of me. You've done that already so your situation is different than mine but I identify with the fear. May the Lord bring peace and may he speak directly to your heart about your fears.
I agree with what Stephanie said. We are to be wise as parents and to teach our children to be wise and aware, but we can't determine their destiny (not that you're trying to).
Maybe in the situation with the little boy offering a toy, you could have accepted it, had Conlan thank him and then later told Conlan that he may only accept gifts from strangers when Mommy or Daddy are with him. Same with talking to a stranger. We tell the boys that if we are with them, then they may say hello or talk with people they don't know, but if we aren't there (like when they play in the front yard), they are not to respond. Not be ugly, just not encourage conversation.
It is scary and our fears are based in experiences (ours and others'), but if God is ultimately in control, then we must choose not to live in and be controlled/paralyzed by those fears. We can turn them into teachable opportunities for our kids (why we lock our front door, why we don't talk to people we don't know--even if they seem nice, why we don't go outside without permission, etc).
I am with you. It's hard!
Hey! I'm praying for you!
Do you still check your letu email address? I sent the pics of Conlan to it. =)
i'm so glad the verses helped... amazing how God's Word just covers ALL aspects of our life.
Fear is something that is always around the corner but Grandpa has a saying he says almost everyday and it's "God helps those who help themselves". By taking responsibility for being safe and learning how to live in a world that is not as wonderful as we would like it to be, we help God help us. The ideas that Jaime gave you are wonderful and so intuitive, they are worth putting into use. Your fears will soon be gone when you are busy with a new baby, a growing toddler and more involement with your new church and in new organizations that you are just now beginning to know. It isn't fun to move to a new home in new city without any family or friend's support. While Jonathan has his new job and new interests to keep him busy, you have to find new ways to spend your time without the friends and family you have had since you've been married. It isn't easy but you have gone a long way toward making your first year in your new home start to work for you. You will make new friends and they will become as close as any of your old ones were. You are the kind of person that other women will seek out to make friends with. You just have to find a way to be where they are. You have known women that you have just met and you know right away that you would like to know them better or you know that they will be friends instantly. Even better to find couples that you and Jonathan both can relate to. It's slow but it will happen, you are too sweet not to have all those fears be swept away and be replaced by just being busy. Maybe you could offer to be a foster home for puppies, that would keep you busy :) As usual I'm too long but wanted to let you know we do follow you and loved Conlan's pictures. Grandma Janice
I completely understand your fear for your children. I am the same way with Noah and Addie. Just last night, right after I got into bed, I had to go check on them both just to make sure they were ok. It's so hard to find that balance of protecting them and letting them discover things for themselves. As far as having two children, you will be fine. It's really a lot easier than I first imagined. Noah loves his baby sister and really hasn't shown any signs of jealousy. He is a big helper, too. Addie is just starting to pay attention to Noah and it's so cute to just watch her watching him! You are going to love it!
That's such a great verse. I know also when I was pregnant my emotions were all over the map at times. My poor hubby. And when my daughter was born she would sometimes sleep so soundly I would just poke her gently.
When I get fearful, I remember something I learned from a good friend and preacher: What you focus on becomes your reality. So then I try to focus on God and it helps me.
BTW - It's a good thing to teach your son not to take things from strangers.
Dearest,
I've been struggling with fear also! The verses are great. Perfect love casts it out so I pray that you will know the perfect love of Christ and be set free. Incidentally, I'm praying that for myself as well :) God is GOOD, I pray that that truth settles deep inside, because nothing but the truth will bring freedom - which is why reading and pondering those verses is so wonderful.
I love you!!
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